We’ve made it to the end of another week! How did everyone’s go?
Rob and I had a day out in Bristol yesterday, followed by the scariest drive home we’ve ever experienced, more on that later!
Moments that have stood out this week:
~ Clueless being played on the movie network, made me very very happy. When we were younger and my brother and I got to choose a movie to rent, I always picked Clueless. Every. single. time.
~ Somehow spraining my left wrist. My wrists are strangely tiny so it’s no surprise, I probably tried to pick something up that’s heavier than a pen.
~ Having a fry up breakfast for dinner. Eggs, bacon, sausage, beans and toast (and black pudding for the men at the table, I’m not a fan). Absolutely delicious!
~ Driving around and noticing the beautiful daffodils everywhere and realizing ours at home must be the only ones in the country that haven’t blossomed yet.
~ Rob making me laugh when talking about said daffodils…“I think we bought duds, not buds” Oh how he cracks me up.
Back to that scary drive home yesterday…My dad sent me a text while we were having dinner in TGI Fridays letting us know the fog was very bad and to drive carefully. Bristol is just over an hour away from our house and the weather where we were wasn’t too bad at all. Driving home around 9pm though, it got brutal, and quickly. The fog was so bad at parts that you literally couldn’t see anything, and I mean anything. It. was. terrifying.
Rob drove (thank God) and did brilliantly. Our GPS helped a ton as well as it let us know when roundabouts were in front of us and when there was a bend in the road, because I’m not sure if I mentioned it…but you couldn’t see a thing! Rob handled it all very well but I, welllll…notsomuch. For anyone that struggles with any amount of anxiety, claustrophobia, or is just a worrier in general, you’ll know how I was feeling. Trying to put it into words…overwhelmed, trapped and terrified. So of course, I cried.
I think it was a combination of many things that contributed to me crying my eyes out during this drive from hell. The fear we would be in an accident and not being able to see anything is definitely the reason I started, but once you start to let it out…it alllll comes out.
The horrible experience, teamed with the fact that Mother’s Day is coming up soon here in the UK (the first one without my Mum), us eating dinner next to a Mother and Daughter enjoying each others company, my birthday coming up soon (another first without Mum), and basically just missing her a ton, equaled me…losing it in the car.
It’s been just over a month without her, and it’s still so shocking and heartbreaking. It’s hard when all I want to do is share things with her; interesting stories in the news, new clothes I can’t wait to show her, the seasons changing, even silly things like story lines of our favourite soaps, watching a movie that I know she would enjoy or just something funny that happened that day. I’m sure eventually things will get easier but right now it’s just hard.
I received a card from the funeral director that was very kind and unexpected. It had a beautiful poem in it that I’d like to share with you guys:
“You gave me all that a Mother could give;
You gave me your love and a reason to live.
You’ve been my best friend for so many years;
We’ve shared happy times and also our tears.
There’s no-one that means as much as you do;
After all you’ve done for me, and all we’ve been through.
So we’ll never be parted – It just can not be;
For you know I love you, and I know you love me.”
I’m sorry this post took a sad turn, but this blog is about my life and this is it at the moment I’m afraid. I am trying to focus on the positive, but going through something like this I’d feel like a fraud if all I ever did was post happy things when really I’m grieving and missing my Mum terribly.
One day at a time, helping each other through this, I know we’ll be alright.
Thank you for reading.